A-BURN!

Yes, I'm fluent in That 70's Show.

Just a perk in watching every single episode on Netflix.

I'm about to burn 97% of the Provo/Orem, UT population but I just can't help myself.

Dear Hipsters (all those who live in the Provo/Orem, UT area and work at Heritage Schools),
You make me want to throw up with your TOMS shoes and skinny jeans. Please stop wearing those vests...you're going to a soccer game, not the Opera. Also, those glasses. Are you for reals?! If you need glasses, okay. But those fakies just don't work for me. Your sunglasses make me want to punch the sun out for all eternity. And your v neck shirts make me want to wear turtlenecks for the rest of my life. If you continue to not wear socks you are going to have some serious odor issues. It's summer! Wear sandals if you can't bear the thought of of suffocating your precious toesies.
Please, I am begging you. I used to think all those articles of clothing were cool and interesting, but now I can't escape them if I tried. Let's here it for a little originality. Please?
Mostly, I don't want to have to go to work anymore and stare at the carbon copy employees. Especially the one chick who chopped all her hair off just like mine. Grrrr. Chicka, I got my eye on you.
Anyways, please just change your clothes and wear something NORMAL!!
Sincerely,
Taylor (a free thinking individual dying to escape the brainwashing.)
PS: I feel like this video (the song which was introduced to me by an individual mentioned in the above letter) is reason enough to change. Hipsters, take heed!